"Some people may object to having their cash confiscated at knife point," said a masked Treasury spokes-robber in a public information broadcast, "but you all want better public services without paying any more tax, so you've left this Labour government with very little choice about how to balance the books.
"Starting from midnight tonight, specially-trained civil servants will be lurking in alleyways throughout the UK, armed with Stanley knives and wearing balaclavas, to snatch supplementary taxes from random passers-by.
"The biggest challenge we had was to teach these paper-pushers to scarper with the loot rather than ask their victims to fill out financial release forms in triplicate.
"You are forbidden to resist being mugged by His Majesty's Tax Assailants, or let your dog bite them on the backside.
"You may consider this an inhumane way for Labour to levy extra revenue, but we say it's social justice in action. People rich enough to walk around with money in their pockets will have to hand it over. The stony broke will be exempt.
"And don't forget that proceeds from this imaginative scheme will go to the NHS - which some of you will be needing after we've mugged you.
"Besides, how can you stop us?" sneered the spokes-Starmerist. "We're in charge for the next five years and we'll do whatever we like to you."
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