Rather than abolish the House of Lords, Labour have decided to reform it using extraterrestrial technology and some deus ex machina. The humming stone will advise the UK on the next steps in evolution and, unlike the Lords we currently have, will take up substantially less space.
The proposal explained, 'Ape-like voters will be able to touch the stone and civilization will move forward - like a reverse Brexit.
'Given the cost of marble, the monolith was not our first option. Initially we looked at replacing the 800 Lords with just one really big Lord. We also explored appointing a bag containing 800 ferrets, but the ferrets proved far too sensible. Instead, we settled on a mystical stone - which has the added benefits of being able to sit through long debates without nodding off, it can help MPs develop rudimentary tools and the humming helps improve Westminster's WiFi signal.'
Labour denied the idea came from one of the Milliband brothers.
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