Conservative Party disgust has reached fever pitch at the lack of sh!ts and giggles in the Autumn Budget.
Party Membership Treasurer Horrace Smythe shook his head in dismay at the absence of transphobic quips about Fiscal Drag. 'Rachel Reeves didn't do the old one for you and six for me and my chums routine, and that just isn't right. How on Earth is she going to fund illegal parties at Downing Street?
'There wasn't a single reference to pork markets, or even an overhammed show of disgust at cheese imports. Everyone knows that's a basic must.
'She didn't quaff fine wine or brandy while stealing from the poor to give to the rich. She utterly failed to plant her posterior back on the front bench afterwards and light up a fat cigar. Not even a hint of a Groucho impression.
'What is most disappointing is that there wasn't one act of economic racism, or overt misogyny like a stiff hike in tampon taxes. And she completely overlooked the requirement to get Iain Duncan Smith all frothed up by sticking it to the severely disabled. She doesn't know what the important things are in a Budget, and she absolutely has to go.
'Chancellor of the Exchequer is clearly a job only a man can do.'