As a tentative hostage exchange is agreed in Gaza, the Labour Party have been backpedalling like a unicyclist rolling down The Alps. Smiling through gritted teeth, the Shadow Cabinet look as happy about peace as Ghengis Kahn's arrow supplier.
Hastily re-writing history with Tipp-ex and a crayon, Sir Keir now claims he sacked pro-peace members of his party due to an admin error. This is known as 'Schrodinger's Starmer' simultaneously lying to your face and talking out his arse.
He has even been forced to bin 1000 t-shirts printed with 'We don't negotiate with terrorists'. A spokeswoman curtly explained: 'We will tell you our position, just as soon as the US has told us what it is.'