Eleven billion units are sold every year, in attempt to disguise the true taste of your cooking and how undercooked this chicken nugget is. Yet Britain’s favourite red gravy can be smeared on any meal with no ill effects, but the moment it is introduced into bedtime frolics, it not only kills the moment, but it will turn your bed sheets pink. Sex gurus have identified Ketchup as a bigger passion-killer than using gardening gloves, a clown’s wig or a Richard Branson cosplay mask.
Some foods are said to raise testosterone levels, but ketchup is barely able to raise the edible nature of hotdogs. The term for food used in sex play is ‘sploshing’, while the term for using ketchup is ‘being saucy’. One couple from Nottingham spoke of their trauma; Cheryl explained: ‘We’d used a chocolate Santa once, so the next logical step was to try other foods we like.’ Remarked Dave: ‘What else would I have with my sausage?’
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