The mystery surrounding Mr Ashworth's constant media appearances has been revealed as an elaborate ruse to capitalize on hate-watching. Explained an ITV executive: 'We know he is disliked. But you've heard of clickbait, well, Jon is punchbait. Our viewing figures spike everytime he is on - as does our complaints hotline. People just love futilely shouting at the screen, while Jonathan smugly rakes in the cash.'
Rejected by voters for his actions and thoughts, now Ashsworth has the opportunity to alienate viewers with his voice and face. Serial loser and prolific weasel, the ex-MP has specialized in whining and gaslighting - both equally unattractive and yet compelling reasons to punch your TV set.
It is predicted that by 2026, 50% of all interviews will contain Mr. Ashworth and 100% of all broken TV sets will be his fault. His friends insisted that he has a face only a mother could love. His mother was unavailable for comment.
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