With the Gaza crisis reaching heightened levels of tension, leaders of both Hamas and Israel are anxiously scanning Facebook for advice from gormless idiots who can barely summon the necessary motor skills to walk and rub their tummies at the same time.
An Israeli government spokesman told newsmen last night: ‘This is a critical time for our forces, so it’s absolutely vital to see what some industrial strength d*@kwad Facebooker with s@*t for brains would consider to be our best strategy on this one.’
Meanwhile, a Hamas representative told the Reuters news agency: ‘It’s imperative that we establish what a variety of slack-jawed, semi-literate thunder@*$ts have shoved up on their statuses in between posting pics of their poxy dinners and various photos of their alarmingly hideous kids.’
At the time of going to press, a 47-year-old unemployable man from Clapham in South London has just posted on Facebook that he thinks the Israelis should just charge at the Hamas fighters, currently dug in around Gaza City, on horseback, as his great-great grandad did at The Battle of Austerlitz in 1805.
He then added a recent photograph of his unpleasant-looking grandson who bears a striking resemblance to the comedian, Benny Hill.