'The Indian music industry has been targeted by DOGE,' confirmed Ramesh Raj, head of Mumbai Records. 'It is a level of racist profiling and elimination we expected, but it's like the US government just opened the bomb bay doors upon us. We are completely devastated. It has set back traditional Hindi music centuries.
'What rubs salt in the wounds the most, though, is that we suspect Mr Donald was actually trying to shut down satirists.
'Of course, we have no beef with satirists as they are all splendid and lovely people who have always treated us with respect. When their time comes, they will be reincarnated as the fingers of George Harrison.
'But there is no question we have been made a mockery of.'
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