Extracts from radio broadcasts of the Russian fishing fleet, have revealed a russian plot as terrifying as a evening with Gino Dicampo.
President Donald John Trump has been replaced by an doppelganger.
"The Don" was kidnapped,seduced by a leggy, superficial blonde dressed as a golf bag.
Following said blonde, Trump was lured into the bushes,on the 15th hole of Gleneagles before being clubbed over the head with a 3 Wood.
He was then replaced by "TRUMPNIK" A robot imposter direct from the Kremlin, controlled by the Vladimir Putins well disguised nipple rings.
The Russians or Soviets, (depending on how cartoonish you like to imagine them being) are delighted with TRUMPNIK and plan to continue using him to isolate, irrate and possibly iradiate, America's former allies and friends.
Whether it's bullying Greenland or Canada, treating Palestinians like American Indians, trusting Elon Musk or negotiating the end of a war without checking with the people fighting it TRUMPNIK continues to surprise.
The real Trump meanwhile finds himself in a red room with zigzag floors while a dwarf says that gum he likes is going to come back in style.