"Goodness, four hours watching that Olympic opening ceremony just flew by!" Umm Said, an elderly housewife from Kabul, told Western journalists.
"And they way they put drag acts into almost every scene and insulted the religion of billions of people was just so enlightened and diverse.
"I must admit that when I saw a naked, blue, fat man rise up from the table at the Prophet Isa's Last Supper and start singing, I thought I was having a fatal stroke and asked my husband to call the doctor and the imam.
"But he explained that all the queering and blasphemy involved were merely attempts by the organisers to make people all over the world feel totally comfortable and included in this Olympic experience. How thoughtful of them!
"Now that I am no longer terrified or offended by these Olympics ceremonies, I cannot wait for the closing one to come around so I can get to watch another four hours solid of gender-bending and mockery of people's beliefs.
"These displays are all so meaningful to people like me."
image from pixabay