![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/98cfeb_61bcb51b45234d8ea8c0a979f612577c~mv2.jpg/v1/fill/w_388,h_239,al_c,q_80,enc_auto/98cfeb_61bcb51b45234d8ea8c0a979f612577c~mv2.jpg)
Ever wondered how Moscow’s finest hooligans look so ripped, as they rip through the opposition? Ever wanted a tear-gas inspired six-pack without the tears? Here are our ten easy steps to goose-step through the Euros.
1) Have a balanced diet – of racism and steroids.
2) Burn fat (and flares) – but get a good night’s sleep while in custody.
3) Build up your muscles - by thumping a drink-sodden England fan.
4) Try jogging – while pursed by French riot police.
5) Cut down on refined carbs – remember not everything ultra-white is good for you.
…and participate in sports – and by ‘participate’, we mean ‘completely ignore’…unless it’s kick-boxing.
Above all else - stay positive. Don’t get disheartened by your team’s poor performance. Just put on a smile (under your balaclava) and sing a happy song – about murdering Ukrainians or LGBT activists.
If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?
Comments