Having been seriously embarrassed, not to mention depleted in manpower, by their choices of communication devices, Hezbollah have had to seek out alternative methods of passing information between its members that does not involve technology of any sort.
A senior official disclosed they did explore the use of smoke signals. 'Cultural appropriation? Certainly, but these are desperate times.' However, the idea was shelved following the misinterpretation of smoke plumes from further random explosions as ranting and verbal abuse.
Semaphore was briefly considered but quickly rejected as participants were often flagging too soon.
Finally, the militant organisation found inspiration to solve the problem from an unlikely source. The official told us that classic British TV inspired the idea. 'We love your Les Dawson Show. Cissie and Ada. And suddenly we have a solution. A seemingly innocuous, but comical, chat over the garden fence and information is passed up and down the line of command. What’s your response to that, Mossad?'
Asked about Hezbollah’s new communications network, an Israeli spokesperson, arms folded and speaking in hushed tones, said, 'Well, I heard from her at number 37, you know, the one whose husband had the shish kebabs, that they were opening up a new front. I mean, she’s got some room to talk.'
Picture credit: Wix AI (Mr Farage's submission was unsuitable)