Following the limiting of hugging in their drop-off area to three minutes by New Zealand's Dunedin Airport, Heathrow Airport have announced plans to offer a Premium Goodbye package where - for an extra fee - you can receive your romantic platitudes and hugs at the terminal building from someone more attractive.
Speaking at the new Etihad-sponsored Bon Voyage Suite, Heathrow's head of Ground Experience Dewey Chargem was proud of the innovation, telling assembled journalists, "The airport goodbye is never easy, from ensuring they've got their passport, to telling them how much they'll be missed, a windy piece of tarmac outside the terminal is far from ideal," before showing them the contents of the room. "In here we've got breath mints, adjustable climate to go from moonlit gazes to kisses in the rain, we've got Chris De Burgh singing Lady In Red - even though we've asked him six times to leave, and - most importantly - we can offer hugs with someone significantly more attractive than your better half to those willing to pay for the diamond package."
People checking-in for flights had mixed opinions on the idea. "I get the tube to Heathrow," one passenger remarked, "so I've had quite enough physical contact by the time I get here. It's got so bad I've even stopped leaving change in my pockets to ensure I get patted down at security." Another, about to head to Thailand, was more positive, saying, "I'm flying business class, so I got the VIP goodbye in with the ticket. My husband wasn't exactly pleased when they brought out what I can only describe as a six-foot Adonis, but as I pointed out to him, he'll just have to cope as, unlike his last Business Trip, I won't be coming back from this trip with Chlamydia."