An Edinburgh gym and spa club is looking to recruit an over-opinionated morbidly obese man to talk complete shit in the sauna, steam room and Jacuzzi after the previous incumbent retired.
The post is being advertised with an annual salary of £25K though the successful candidate will be expected to tell fellow sauna users that he earns at least 10 times that amount and lives in a big house in the same street as JK Rowling.
‘Ideally we’re looking for someone with previous experience of sitting in a high-temperature environment wearing only a towel or a pair of Speedos pontificating loudly about Brexit, Trump, Nicola Sturgeon and whatever else comes to mind’ says Aquarius Gym & Spa manager Fenton Barnes.
‘The chap that held the post previously, ‘Big Davie’, was with us for 15 years and retired last month because he wanted to spend more time talking bollocks to his family. He’s left behind some pretty big trunks to fill’.
Club member Frank Hughes says ‘Big Davie’ is being sorely missed.
‘It’s just not the same going into the sauna and Davie not being there taking up half the bench and talking loudly about how we’ve got our country back before loudly slamming the door behind him', says Hughes.
‘I don’t mind telling you that there were grown men with tears rolling down their cheeks. Though it could just have been sweat, it gets quite hot in there’.
First published 23 Dec 2021
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