In an odd mark of respect, the 1,700 page Grenfell inquiry report bears a striking resemblance to a tower constructed from flammable materials.
'It is a sad reflection on our leading experts in this field that throughout the seven year process of producing this report, no one pointed out that paper is a highly flammable material,' said Wesley Gray, an expert in getting things horrifically wrong. 'This highlights the shameful systemic failures which means individuals and organisations just can't help themselves cutting corners to save costs and maximise profits.
'And it gets worse. Much of the commentary in the report itself has unhelpfully parroted the phrase 'lessons must be learned'. Those comments themselves are nothing short of incendiary.
'Every single copy of the report is going to have to be recovered in a non-flammable material at great expense to the taxpayer. It's going to take a long time, and during that period, the report itself must be considered a safety hazard and a major fire risk. For obvious reasons, stacking of the report has been prohibited.
'There is no option left other than to call for a seven year inquiry into how it was possible for a seven year inquiry to allow such a dangerous report to be produced.'