Violent video games like Grand Theft Auto have been criticised for failing to keep pace with the level of gratuitous savagery shown on the news every day.
Video game fan Oscar Oldroyd, 15, blames the news for glorifying violence. 'I've seen some of the horrors my parents watch on the news - I prefer my violence fake. I haven't yet found the GTA mod that enables you to deport people to Rwanda for... well seemingly for bantz. Or the mod that tells Palestinians to flee, then bombs where they get sent to. My prostitute bludgeoning is online only, but real people voted for Home Alone 2's Donald Trump to have nuclear launch codes - no self-respecting video game would render a person's skin that colour.'
Tabloid news hack Bob Bridlington leered 'We give the people what they want - racism, tits, brutal violence and Tory spivs. They love it.'