The government announced today that it had solved the prisons overcrowding crisis.
Under the new scheme, all prisoners will be set free and innocent people locked up in their place.
“The turning point came with the recent riots,” said a Home Office spokesman today. “We realised there are more people who deserve to be locked up than deserve to be free. And we just don’t have the capacity.
”But then we thought, why not put the innocent people away instead? It keeps them safe from the murderers and rapists, which is the most important thing, right?
“Think of it as a continuation of a scheme we piloted in the 1980s. Only this time, it won’t just be people with Irish accents.
“Granted, it does mean the free population will consist of nothing but criminals. But for large parts of Liverpool, Manchester and east London, this won’t make an appreciable difference.”
Human rights groups said they were concerned that it was the innocent people being punished. However, a group representing people under 30 said the scheme seemed too good to be true.
”You mean we get to live here, we each have our own room, there’s central heating, we get three meals a day, and the landlord can’t throw us out because he’s decided to sell? Come off it, there must be a catch…”
Image: MarcelloRabozzi - Pixabay
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