The Environment Secretary dismissed concerns of melting pandas: 'If God had not meant us to frack, he wouldn't have given us shareholders. We need environmental laws, like a whale needs a hole in the head.'
Tucking into a feast of chlorinated Quagga and Woolly Rhinoceros kebab, he sad everything was fine: 'Metaphorically people are just chasing Unicorns. Which is just as well, as we ate the last one. To be honest, we've got all the time in the world. Two weeks to be exact.'
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