The British can-kicking industry is booming – after a kick-start from the government. Critics say that it would be much cheaper to ship the cans to China, for them to be kicked there using forced labour. And savings would be even greater if China also supplied the cans. The debate about whether we should export the cans for kicking or preserve our own can-kicking industry, probably by inviting immigrants to come and kick them for us, continues.
Although he has not yet set up a Can Kicking Czar, Keir Starmer has already declared a series of milestones, to measure the progress of the cans in their trajectory. He is understood to have also created an equal opportunities monitoring committee, to ensure diversity in the cans being kicked – large, small, steel and aluminium cans – and among the kickers – women, men, and undecided. And there is a health-and-safety committee to assess the risk of the can going in the wrong direction and hitting someone.
However, there are still questions about funding. Who's going to supply the can, and the boots for the kicker? Which can company will get the lucrative contract to supply the can, and the boots? And what about the long grass? Where should it be? In London as usual? Or would regional long grass better deliver levelling up?
When praised for his 'can do' attitude, one government minister said, 'Those who can kick cans do, and those who cannot kick cans set up commissions to study who might be kicked into action as can-kickers.'
[ Hat-tip to deskpilot ]