The Garrick Club has come out fighting in response to criticism of its policy of not allowing women members.
'Contrary to the common opinion that we are too exclusive, the Club has decided that we aren't exclusive enough', said a spokeswoman - only joking, it was a man - shortly before he went into gender neutralisation surgery.
'From Monday, men and women will not be permitted to be members of the Club, you will need to be as smooth as a Ken doll down there. All genitalia have to be removed and handed into the cloakroom, or should I say cockroom.'