The UK's decision to reopen schools during Covid is in marked contrast to Vulgaria, which remains in lockdown, ever since Truly Scrumptious contracted Coronavirus and type-2 diabetes. Complained the Child Catcher: ‘How can I socially distance from the children if they are all crammed into the same wagon. When I kidnap, I kidnap in bubbles of two, not thirty!’
'Normally I'd be in favour of vulnerable children wandering the streets but quite frankly it’s far too dangerous. And licking lollypops is just going to spread the infection. My job is to catch children, not viruses.’
He admitted that wearing a mask had seriously restricted his ability to sniff out kiddie-winks. Also, he had been forced to adapt his catchphrase to: ‘Here we are children, come and get your hand sanitizer'.
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