Distant cousin of Boris Johnson lent money and threw shit at zookeepers

A distant cousin of Boris Johnson is reported to have lent him a scattering of fruit and an old car tyre hanging from a tree branch. ‘Bubbles’ the bonobo, who is famed for his uncanny resemblance to the former PM, gave him a shedload of bananas to help fund his lavish lifestyle. He also gave Mr Johnson free use of a luxury chimp enclosure.

A spokesperson for Mr Johnson said: ‘The media should stop slinging shit at Boris. Bubbles is perfectly capable of doing that himself.’

Bubbles was not available for comment because he is a primate with an underdeveloped brain. Mr Johnson did not comment either.

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