Paris 2024 treated the world to a spectacle of light, sound and mind-numbing boredom - with all the obligatory mime artists you could want. Not content with talking in French - everyone's worst second language - the Olympic hosts decided to showcase the million and one reasons why French art is so dull.
The torrential rain did alleviate some of the tension by soaking Olympic Officials and a bedraggled choir. While the highlight was seeing the competitors forced onto barges and hit by a water canon of excrement, from the River Seine.
The key to all French culture is to do it at a snail's pace, but with a face like a slapped arse. There seemed to be an awful lot of cosplay characters on skateboards and hula-hoopers in fetish underwear - but that is standard for any French day out. It was the glacial pace that did for may of the viewers, said one: 'I need a medal just for having watched it.'
Picture credit: Wix AI