Yesterday, with a distinct sense he was going to burst, David Cameron searched for the nearest toilet in his immediate vicinity while being driven through central London, according to reports. His driver told the press that the former Prime Minister pleaded for him to ‘pull over at his old place’ because ‘he knows the man that lives there’. After rushing into 10 Downing Street, eyewitnesses saw Cameron frantically holding onto the bannister as he ran upstairs towards the toilet. Reports say he tried the door handle but it was occupied, followed by a voice on the other side that was heard to say ‘Almost done in here!’.
To his relief Rishi Sunak quickly unlocked the door and greeted the former Prime Minister, catching him up on the open position for Foreign Secretary, attributing fate to their spontaneous toilet-related encounter. Cameron is said to have agreed to fill the open position in a visceral moment of bladder desperation, but reports are mixed regarding whether he made it to the toilet in time.
Despite the strong evidence, a spokesperson for Cameron denied the headlines: ‘The Former Prime Minister has fantastic control of his bladder and is very pleased with his new position as Foreign Secretary. Any attempt to draw a correlation between the two is speculative and erroneous’.
By Arborio Mulling