Esther McVey has announced she will be putting a Bill before Parliament to revoke the date of Christmas week from December to July.
"It makes sense", she declared. "Why hold a festival during the darkest time of the year. The kids will be off school anyway; so no problems there. The weather has a better chance of being fine and they can play outside on their new bikes. People could even have barbecues just like they do in Australia".
A Lib Dem spokesperson commented, "Doesn't make we'll still have travel chaos".
When asked for comment, Keir Starmer's office responded that he was a tad busy at the moment because he was having a long poo and didn't want to be disturbed.
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