We at the Daily Torygraph have spent a long time studying the science behind the bedbug infestation in Paris, but we know nothing about science. So instead, we've decided to blame it on Emmanuel Macron.
Yes, readers! We say that after six years of increasingly squalid quasi-communist rule, this degenerate pervert has brought down the wrath of God on France's capital in the form a plague of filthy insects.
You ask us for proof? It is this. We do not like Macron, we never have liked Macron, and we never will like Macron.
And we give the British public this warning - if you make the filthy, dirty choice of voting Labour in the next election, you'll get bedbugs, too.
image from pixabay