A survey of Clacton children’s letters to Santa has revealed that the most popular requests children in Clacton are asking for in their letters to Santa, are teddy bears that resemble the teddy boys, who in the 50s, descended on the town on bank holiday weekends, intent on causing mayhem.
Sociologists drafted in from Grauniad-reading parts of the Home Counties, have suggested there may be a link between grandmothers in the town who became single parents after the teddy boys left to return to work after the bank holidays to work in fag factories in the east end of London, recalling that the highlight of their lives was when they were sweet-talked by a posh wide boy as he breathed beer and fag fumes over them while he had his wicked way with them, and the palaver of the struggle to remove the drainpipe trousers added to something unique to the foreplay.
“It’s no surprise to me that when a similarly-clad wide boy turned up in Clacton, dressed in a faux Edwardian coat to charm these ladies again in his appeal to become their MP, that they voted for him, but he effed off, never intending to return until seeking re-election.” said Germiane Fuck-me-Shoes, a feminist campaigner who Newsbiscuit managed to interview after intervening in a fight at a bus stop to canvas her views on the popularity of teddy boy teddy bears.