Customs officials have seized a consignment of illegal fishy Greek dip, smuggled into the UK to alleviate a middle-class drought.
Officials searching a yacht off the coast of Sussex today discovered Britain’s biggest haul of fifty kilos of illegal stinky pink goo, cleverly hidden inside innocent packages of high-grade cocaine weighing several tonnes.
Customs Official, Martin Smith, explained: 'We were alerted to the scarcity of the off-white, pongy mush in supermarkets, and that decent families all over the South East entertaining this weekend would be without their essential fish-egg gloop. Middle-class diners will pay a high price for this cod-traband, but not too much, because they’re notoriously tight as cramp.
'We have been relentless in the pursuit of smugglers, and we knew we’d struck gold on boarding when our sniffer dogs began retching and trying to hold their noses.
'This faux roe hitting affluent tree-lined avenues would have been culinary suicide for the supplier and social exclusion for its users, as samples analysed from the haul were found to be nothing more than anchovy purée mixed with Yakult.
'And obviously, we’re concerned about the Class A cocaine. Its ability to preserve fresh food is entirely unproven.'
Image: "Taramasalata" by katsommers is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.