A fly which appears to prefer the Conservative side of the House of Commons is being considered as the next Prime Minister. A Tory backbencher without an embarrassing hairdo explained, 'Jacob Rees-Mogg suggested we hit it with a binned COP27 schedule of events, but it evaded all of our attempts to bring it down.
'Once it proved itself as smarter than anybody on the back benches, it was given free range of the front bench. It handled itself very well and did not cave within two minutes of PMQs. It doesn't have a shameful voting record and it's more popular than anyone we've had in post for quite a while now.
'We're confident it won't trot out a series of laughable and damaging policies and we think it's just the sort to unite the party. It has been made Minister for Ambush Cake, and we are already impressed with its conduct. It even got a few laughs on a recent episode of Mock the Week, before we had the BBC shut the programme down.
'The Daily Mail are saying it has a more credible stance on immigrants than Suella Braverman and that they are backing it, which is good enough for our decision making at the highest level. So we've changed the 1922 committee rules again, put it through on the nod, and fast-tracked it to a Lordship. Whatever the outcome, at least it has more control than Matt Hancock's flies.'
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