The Government's flagship performative initiative to save the environment, entails a series of hiccup cures. A spokeswoman for Keir Starmer said: 'If every person in the UK holds their breath indefinitely, we can solve the carbon crisis and trim the electoral register at the same time.'
One scientist complained: 'Rather than cut back on fossil fuels or grow some actual...oh, what do we call them? Trees. Yes, that's it! Motherf$cking trees!!! The UK has opted to pump all farts into underground caverns, like a Goblin with IBS.'
The spokeswoman defended the
£24bn being invested in pretend science. 'Just stop sneezing, okay?' Will that help? 'Nope. But neither does fake carbon capture.'
Image: Photo by Daniel Dan on Unsplash