Candidates for new Pope emerge

Leading candidates for the new pope have emerged.

King Charles. The British monarch has a number of plus points - he is experienced being head of a church, he already wears a special hat and he has a balcony. It is understood that his Majesty has offered to add being head of the Catholic Church to being head of the Anglican Church - saving money on salaries and palaces.

Andrew Tate. Nominated by President Trump as someone who could be bigly in setting a moral example. Mr Trump said, "He's a great guy - the son I'd wished I'd had."

Richard Dawkins. Mr Dawkins has proved to have an outstanding knowledge of the bible and has said that he can resolve many of the religious conundrums that have concerned the church for centuries by pointing out that "it's all bollocks".

Cardinal Secola. Although an outstanding candidate, having a "Pope Secola" would feel a bit undignified.

Cardinal Goestheweasel. See above.

Whoopee Goldberg.  Having a black, Jewish, married woman as Pope might be seen as a step too far but Ms Goldberg does have experience in dressing as a nun.

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