A rioter in Hull who used the civil disorder to loot bath bombs from a branch of Lush has been accused of committing 'surely the campest crime in history'.
John Honey (yes, really) was appearing in Hull’s Crown Court when the judge made his remarks.
'We normally find that men experience a surge of testosterone during situations like this,' said Mr Justice Gobshite. 'But not you, apparently. I suspect the closest you ever come to testosterone is sniffing other men’s underpants on washing lines. Probably drinking a babycham with your little finger in the air while you do it.'
'Frankly you deserve a custodial sentence, but I doubt even a women’s prison would take you.'
Sociologists also pronounced themselves baffled by his behaviour. 'We’ve been aware of toxic masculinity for a while, but this… we don’t have a name for this.'
After summing up, the judge sentenced Honey to be beaten about the head with a handbag, while wearing last season’s colours to make it even more humiliating.
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