The 20 billion black hole in the UK budget, suspiciously brought to light only after Labour came to office finally has an explanation this week.
A disgruntled civil servant, possibly a woman, possibly a man, possibly something else entirely, has leaked plans for the greatest British burial since World Cup 94.
Pharaoh Gate or The Starmermid as it is known entails constructing a 485 ft high 760 ft wide Marble Pyramid in London's Whittington Park as a suitable resting place for the public prosecutions director of hearts.
The Starmermid will feature a nationalised workforce with contractual obligations, a bit like HS2 but without the bad bits.
The Tomb will have every modern convenience, a hotline to labour HQ and a ouija board telegraph to request items from lobbyists and Starmer's body will be housed in a miniature version of The Millennium Dome that sits within the tomb itself.
Starmer's remains will be buried with full public honours, dressed in full Arsenal strip, coincidently the only way he was capable of making love.
A government spokesperson defended the news telling a reporter "Its plainly obvious this is a normal government measure, give me your name and address. "
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