'Call that sabotage?' said the Fat Controller of milking profits from the beleaguered British train user. 'If French trains can be back up and running over the busiest weekend of the year, that's nothing. To do the job properly, you have to do it from the inside. Preferably from the top while making millions for yourself and shareholder pals.
'The sustained reckless ideology of keeping a natural monopoly privatised while fabricating a faux model of competitive market forces. That's what the saboteurs in France should have done. The key to it is 30 years of spending the bare minimum on the railways, balanced beautifully with charging passengers as much as you can get away with. Then you pretend to do engineering works every other Sunday, while carefully ensuring nothing is upgraded. If you reach an endpoint where a replacement bus service is normalised, then you've properly run services into the ground and hit the jackpot.
'The only investment we ever made in UK train travel was paying my mate's private consultancy to come up with ridiculous excuses for why there were so many delays and cancellations. Even the fines for those delays are picked up by the British taxpayer, so in a way it's still publicly funded without actually being owned by the public. Ironically, an organisation backed by the French government profits from our rail network as well.
'Now f**k off while I talk to my luxury yacht dealer.'
Meanwhile, in France, where most trains completed high speed journeys on time at a fair price, the Far-Right blamed the Far-Left for the sabotage. French mimes blamed Russia. Israel blamed Iran, cats blamed dogs, Piers Morgan blamed Meghan Markle, and everyone else blamed Angela Rayner.
image from pixabay
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