A disturbing new study finds that boys are being exposed to the romance genre younger and younger.
According to the paper, boys as young as seven are accessing romantic material, a statistic that is sure to have any mother worrying about what her little darling gets up to behind closed doors.
‘I first noticed something was off when he started doffing his hat to me,’ the mother of 12-year-old Justin tells us. ‘In fact, it might have been when he bought a hat to doff.’ A few days later, Justin was caught under his duvet, devouring a well-thumbed copy of “Destiny’s Embrace,” by candlelight. “Aside from the fire hazard, I was concerned about how Justin was reading about these courteous, eloquent 19th century men and feeling like he didn't match up.”
“The advent of the internet means that this content is a mere click away,” sensual educator Clarissa Scott tells us. “It’s important that we educate our young boys on the disparity between romantic expectations and reality. Some of our findings illustrate how pervasive this issue is; when asked to describe an “ideal man,” many young boys mentioned the same thing: tall, brooding strangers striding through English moorland or emerging from a lake, their billowing white shirts clinging to their dripping pectorals. The view of masculinity was worryingly monolithic and Austenian.”
Michael Spencer, father of 14-year-old David, reflects on how the exposure to romance at such a tender age has affected his son’s relationship to his peers. “David had a sleepover with his friends from school to celebrate his 14th,” Michael shares. “When I went into the basement to check on them, I was horrified. They’d managed to find my copy of 2005’s Pride and Prejudice and were watching it on the old VHS player. Instead of talking about what they’d like to do to Keira Knightly, they were pondering the finer nuances of courtship and discussing how to properly execute a hand kiss. They were even considering practising on one another before I intervened.”
Parents are urged to have open and honest conversations with their sons and to prevent common misconceptions perpetuated by romantic media. A passionate declaration need not take place in the pouring rain, a dual is not an expedient way to protect your beloved’s honour, and the dashing heroes of literature exist only in the minds of their female writers.