In a one-off payment to the NHS, the new Prime Minister has promised to fully fund maternity wards inundated with mewling blond-haired homunculi. He said that hospitals should also be prepared for steep rise in ex-wives seeking anti-depressants and a cure for Brexit.
Worst still will be the cost of nappies, as Boris is famous for taking a huge dump and not clearing up his mess. Said one Nurse: 'I was told to spank a chubby baby on his arse but I told him, have some self-respect Prime Minister.’
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