Bird-nets secretly hiding premature baldness.
- NewsBiscuit
- Jan 28
- 1 min read
Bird-nets secretly hiding premature baldness.
Netting said to be preventing birds from settling in trees, is covering a follicle secret, with a ratio of ten shrubberies to one Ross Kemp. Farmers have long used topiary to provide a comb-over for arable land during fallow seasons. In the 16th century ladies of the court would often wear a privet hedge upon their head to signify their secret desires, hence the phrase ‘Privy to the Privet’. Even famous, bald musician, Seal, is said to wear one – which he calls the ‘Privet Seal’.
Remarked one outraged ornithologist: ‘Does anyone else think it’s wrong to put a hawthorn on top of Vin Diesel? We shouldn’t be coppicing Bruce Willis. I remember when Birdsnet was just what misogynists called Mumsnet.’
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