It was revealed today that President Biden accidentally launched a nuclear strike when he thought he was pressing the intercom button to speak to his secretary.
“Hey, what’s everybody getting so excited about?” asked the bemused president, as staffers started to panic. “I only wanted to ask Betty what time the Chinese guys are getting here.”
His staff explained that he’d already met with the South Korean, not Chinese, delegation earlier that day, and that his secretary is called Annie. After some investigation, it emerged that Betty was a golden retriever his family had when he was a kid.
It’s thought life on Earth was saved by the fact that the nuclear button on the president’s desk was disconnected during the Trump era, as he kept threatening to launch strikes against people who displeased him like Stormy Daniels or Michael Cohen.
When it was explained to him that he couldn’t nuke individuals in America without causing devastation to the entire region, Trump said he had no problem with that as they mostly lived in blue states anyway.
Hearing about this, Biden shook his head and said how lucky the country was not to have such an idiot as president any more, adding “If I launch an attack it will be against the country’s enemies, like Zelensky in Russia or Mitterrand in Germany.”