'We are delighted to welcome a new person dressed in a trouser suit to the ridiculously overpaid post of Chief Content Officer,' said a BBC spokes-minion, addressing virtually no one in a press briefing room at New Broadcasting House.
'Her job will be to sit in meeting rooms and nibble biscuits while saying 'Ooh, I quite like that' every time someone suggests a really rather tired and derivative programme idea - adding the words 'let's discuss that at another 120 meetings'.
'This is a vital post to fill,' the spokes-drone continued, 'following the departure of our last, vastly overpaid, Chief Content Suit, Charlotte Any-Moore-Biscuits. You'd probably never heard of her, but she was a key corporate apparatchik who sat in meetings about a whole range of really seminal BBC programmes - which most of you never watched.'
At this point, an empty red trouser suit strode purposefully to the dais and said: 'In this role I am determined to optimise output variables by benchmarking key targets for our content performance with new and flexible benchmarks which you can operate horizontally, vertically or even turn upside down - with all our future programmes being sprinkled with new, cutting-edge AI dross.
'Do I watch TV myself?' said the suit, replying to a mumbled question from a bored reporter. 'Not really. There's so little worth watching nowadays. Don't you agree?'Â
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