Asterix and Obelix arrested at US border
- tacitus
- Mar 28
- 1 min read
In a move sure to further inflame transatlantic tension, American immigration officials have arrested Asterix and Obelix after they crossed legally into the United States from Canada. The iconic Gallic freedom fighters were scheduled to give a lecture on the global resistance movement in New York City this week. Their current whereabouts are unknown.
The Trump administration has brushed aside criticism that the arrests lack even a scintilla of legal basis. ‘As everyone knows, Rome has a legitimate security interest in occupying Gaul,’ said a statement from ICE (the office of Immigrant Cartoon Expulsion). ‘The Romans do not tolerate the activities of these terrorists, and neither do we.’
Immigration activists fear the pair will be deported to Rome, where according to their attorney ‘they will surely be crucified.’ At a tense press conference, an ICE spokesman tried to laugh off the allegations. ‘Be cross with the Romans, not us,’ he said to an uncomfortable silence.
The arrests come in the wake of a highly controversial AI-generated video the Trump administration has circulated, showing a depopulated Gaul divided into several new gleaming resorts. In the video a ‘Trump Tower Mare Nostrum’ rises majestically over what was once Marseilles, while a sprawling ‘Aquitaine-a-Lago’ obliterates Bordeaux. An AI-generated Elon Musk is shown performing several juvenile poses with a baguette.
Proconsul Dickus, Gaul’s current provincial governor, welcomed the video. ‘We share President Trump’s vision for a glorious future for a Gaul unburdened by Gauls,’ he said. ‘Furthermore, we look forward to working with him to addressing once and for all that soggy island off our northwest shore.’