adidas has a new niche range, catering for the excessively competitive parent market, and aim to rake in all that disposable income from the overzealous rich. Their depressed children, who they are trying to relive their lives through, can now bring the following items to their once-a-year School Sports Day.
The Spoon
Designed by NASA engineers, this wind tunnel tested spoon has aerodynamic improvements meaning it has 12% less drag than a normal wooden spoon. Made from carbon fibre and having further weight reductions using air holes, it weighs notably less than the substantial 9g of a standard kitchen stirring device. The deep, textured, concave “egg” containment area pushes to the limit what exactly the rules allow.
The Sack
Made from top of the range breathable materials, this lightweight running sack is a fusion of innovation and it’s hessian heritage. Designed for maximum comfort and speed, this grain bag blurs the line between high fashion and performance. The front face has an excessively large logo clearly stating what you think your money needs to be spent on. The reinforced rubber edging provides additional grip, and engineered mesh segments offer further talking points to the parents next to you.
The Bean Bag
A lot of inexperienced amateurs believe this is just beans sewn up into a bag. How wrong they are. Using silica spheres contained in a Kevlar flexible outer casing, this item is peak sports. Peak. Whether being placed in a hoop or dropped just before a finish line, this is what capitalist greed brings to this special day.
adidas said it didn't expect to introduce additional items for the dad race. 'We can't compete with the string vest, over-tight shorts and broken pumps look,' a spokesman said today.
Image: EyupPors38 - Pixabay