Michael Gove, aka Mickey G, has promised that the Tories will build 300,000 affordable new homes in the UK, but forgot to specify that they will only be affordable to Tory voters. Additionally, these new builds will not go where they are needed but will instead be built in marginal constituencies up and down the country.
Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said 'Liz Truss was supposed to phone us with all the details about this, but we've had to kybosh that for a number of reasons that keeps on growing. Instead, Suella Braverman is emailing through a confidential list, via her personal gmail for some reason. Maybe she fancied another week off work.'
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