The UK has been struck by several completely inexplicable events in the last 8 months, the latest of which is a two billion pound drop in exports.
"This is a real mystery", said foreign secretary Dominic Raab, "And it's not the only really odd thing; did you know that my mobile phone bill shot up when I was on a lovely holiday in Crete recently? And when I got back, a lot of people were quite cross with me for no reason; perhaps it's because of the unexplained empty shelves in the supermarkets."
One former government minister claimed that he could explain everything, but as soon as he opened his mouth he turned into a pillar of salt.
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