Man convinces his boss that he doesn't need to attend negotiating skills course

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Office workers enthralled as colleague tells them how hot it is for the 500th time

A group of office workers at Pointless Plastics in Wolverhampton has been hanging onto every word uttered by their colleague Susan Obvious, as she repeatedly tells them how hot it is.

Admin Assistant Jenny Crump said, 'I’m so happy that Susan keeps telling us how hot it is. She mentions it at least once every five minutes, but it’s always worth hearing again.'

Receptionist Emma Flaps added, 'It’s great that we can rely on Susan to keep us informed about how hot it is. My blouse is wringing wet with sweat and it’s sticking to my back, but if Susan hadn’t kept mentioning how hot the weather is today, I wouldn’t have understood why.'

Office manager David Drear said, 'If it wasn’t for Susan’s frequent comments about how hot it is, I would never have figured out why sweat is pouring down my face, and my glasses have started to melt. I’m so glad Susan keeps drawing my attention to the heat.'

Finance Officer John Belch said, 'Thank goodness Susan keeps letting us know how hot it is. I couldn’t understand why my arse was sweating so much that the seat of my chair looks like I’ve p*ssed myself, but whenever Susan points out the fact that it's very hot today, it all makes sense.'

Susan’s colleagues are now eagerly waiting for her to come back from her lunch break, so she can tell them how hot it is outside.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/12019-12019/

Lewisham man beats record for words to describe 'speechless'

A Lewisham man surprised by work colleagues with a birthday card and cake has broken the world record for people describing that they are speechless.

'I'm literally speechless, there are no words to describe the emotions running through me, I don't have the words to explain how I feel at this gesture, words, frankly, fail me, I just don't know what to say,' he is understood to have said.

Unfortunately, all of his co-workers drifted off back to their desks and assumed the end of the sentence. Consequently his record will not be recorded by Guinness as a World Record, nor will he enjoy his cake as everyone took a slice while he was waffling on, leaving just an empty plate, an action that, literally, left him speechless.