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Britain's office workers should get back to expensive and time wasting commutes, sick buildings and sexual harassment, said a spokesperson for the chancellor yesterday.


Billie Bunt, Junior Minister for Treasure, clarified that the government's position is that, as most key workers cannot work from home, and are often paid less than office workers, something has to give. And as a pay rise for nurses was obviously unthinkable, back on the buses it is.


"Britain's swift adjustment to home working was a resounding success - giving people flexibility, helping people see their families more, and saving money and pollution" continued Ms Bunt, "it's got to stop. How are the property and transport companies going to pay their dividends if we go on pandering to what the little people actually want? Trusting them to decide how they live their lives? They'll be wanting to choose who's in government next."


image from pixabay





Get back to the office, so we can start making sexualised remarks and inappropriately touching junior female members of staff. That's the message from Conservative ministers and industry leaders.


'How am I supposed to feel like a real man unless I clumsily attempt to grope Jodie from Accounts.' sleazed CEO Ian Ingram. 'I'm playing golf with the boys later and I need something to boast about. Last week one of them bought new tits for his wife and his secretary.'


'If that pervert comes near me I'll put his head through a f*cking wall.' said Jodie Johnstone from Accounts. 'Joke's on him though because I've been embezzling for years.'


'Hunt and Rees-Mogg want people back in offices? Sometimes I forget that Jeremy Hunt is rhyming slang, but then he says something out loud and I remember.'


image from pixabay



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