Once upon a time there was a girl called Cinderella who lived with her two ugly - by which I mean differently beautified - sisters. The ugly sisters were out all the time and Cinders was left back at the house, practising her role as sweeper.
Now it happened that Prince Charming, who was very fond of ball games, decided to throw a ball. As he didn’t really understand how social media worked, he ended up inviting absolutely everyone.
The ugly sisters told Cinderella that she wasn’t old enough for ball games, and couldn’t go. Even though their judgement was clouded from too much practice at headers with a medicine ball, Cinders accepted their decision.
On the day of the ball, Cinders helped the foul sisters into their away strip, waved them off, and cried.
Suddenly, something magical happened, and Cinders found herself with her fairy godmother, who said that she could go the game after all. Her fairy godmother her a beautiful ball gown, with a fairly discreet corporate logo, and a pair of golden boots. She magicked up an amazing coach and six smartly dressed footie men. The coach was pulled by six of Harry Redknapp’s horses. The only condition was that Cinders must leave at full time as the transportation couldn’t go south of the river after midnight.
At the ball Cinderella managed to handle all the dodgy passes and outflanked the opposition. She avoided the princes tackle and kept him out of the box. As full time approached, Cinders sprinted past the wall and ran for her coach, even though the prince wanted extra time. In her hurry to go, she left behind one of her golden boots.
The prince was desperate to agree a deal with Cinders while the transfer window was open. He searched high and low for the foot to fit the golden boot.
Eventually the Prince tracked down Cinderella and said she was the special one and a keeper. He signed her immediately, offering a massive sponsorship deal as a dowry. And although Cinders is really Greek, or Italian, or German, depending on who you choose to believe, she played happily ever after for England, and scored many times.
Hat tip to SteveB
image from pixabay