"I'm not bothered," says man who lost £15m within seconds

How does is feel to lose £15 million within the space of 10 seconds?

Just ask Kevin Smalls of Wolverhampton, who blew his chance to win last week's National Lottery in his local corner shop on the Wednesfield Road by tragically picking the wrong numbers.

'It's just a lottery ticket. I'm not bothered,' said Smalls yesterday, kicking a Coke can down the street as he struggled to come to terms with the enormity of his loss.

'Why are you making such a big deal of it?' Smalls continued.

'For Christ's sake, stop following me around.'

Photo by Waldemar on Unsplash

Winner of Locomotive Driver Of The Year says he's well chuffed

.

Starmer unleashes golden age of philosophy and enlightenment

Keir Starmer is surfing a tsunami of personal popularity as he begins to remake 10 Downing Street like a shining city upon a hill. As he forges a fair and just society for all, the sheer force of his charisma whips the people into a frenzy of happy adulation and Starmer is carried shoulder high throughout the land, women holding up babies for him to bless with his touch. 

One soothsayer commented 'It is as the ancient prophets and scriptures foretold. A new Jerusalem. His feet, walking upon England's (and even some of Scotland's) mountains green. A new Camelot. A new golden age of philosophy and enlightenment. He is accompanied by a flame haired woman quite a long way to his left, a slightly sensible woman balancing books and chaos with Ed Miliband.'

Starmer woke with a start as the campaign bus pulled into a leisure centre in Milton Keynes. 'What a strange dream' he thought. 'Now remember, you're the son of a tool-maker, not a tool.'