You can wait a lifetime for a trampoline, then three come along at once

PM to ban windmill cars

Rolling back in his pledge to phase out our reliance on petrol, Mr. Sunak said he would halt the manufacture of vehicles that ran on tidal power and fairy tears. Electric cars were unfeasible, as they relied too heavily on trance music, the migratory pattern of wild geese, and jam.

A spokeswoman said: 'There's no way electric cars can work, how can you get that many hamsters to spin the wheels? Also, how would you get your light switch to reach that far, hmmm?'

The only reliable fuel is dinosaur juice, anything else is the work of communists and unicycle manufacturers. 'If you ask me we should have got rid of the Shire horse. Oil may be sticky and unpleasant, but only electricity is Satan's jizz.'

UK's latest onshore wind farm does not spoil the view say NIMBYs