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White House staff unable to find the dealmaker in chief, and worried what he might get up to if left unsupervised, were initially relieved to hear he’d been spotted.


However, they were less pleased to hear he is now manifesting as a glowing orange eye on top of Trump Tower in New York, from which he can see both the Canadian and Mexican borders to check the tariffs are being applied.


Initial reports suggests that, although Trump can no longer take physical form (which the First Lady describes as “really no problem at all, honestly”) he has poured all his malice, his cruelty and his will to dominate into an unconvincing straw-coloured wig, which cannot be destroyed by any conventional means. An attempt to burn it only resulted in the appearance of glowing characters around the rim.


”It is the language of Mordor-a-Lago, which I will not utter here,” said a White House staffer. “But in the common tongue it says 


One wig to rule them all


One wig to find them


Which we will, by the way, we have the best people, really terrific people, everybody says so…


before it runs out of room.”


The only hope of the free peoples of Middle America is that the wig be taken to Cape Canaveral, where it may be destroyed in the resulting fireball the next time Elon Musk tries to launch anything. 


image from pixabay




Donald Trump and JD Vance are at odds over their meeting in the Oval Office with President Zelensky.


The two men had a bet on who could be the rudest to President Zelensky, and the bet remains unsettled. Trump claims that he was consistently rude, and says that he demonstrated all the basic forms of rudeness to an excellent standard.   He claims that his work on The Apprentice, USA has given him more practice at being rude.  JD Vance claims that he was demeaning, impertinent and crass, and made the most belittling comments.   He says that he adopted the best elements of Trump’s rudeness, but also took it up a level.


Neither of the two men is willing to concede to the other, despite the President threatening to sentence his V-P to further visits to Europe. They are now looking for someone to adjudicate the disputed bet, as there are one hundred dollars at stake, but they are now arguing about who to approach.  Trump wants to appoint Fox News, and Vance is keen to involve Steve Bannon.


The adjudicator will not have to deal with the side bet, for two hundred dollars, as neither Trump nor Vance succeeded in comparing Zelensky to Hitler on camera.


image from pixabay


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