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Conservative paramilitaries are preparing a 'special military operation' in the Tiverton and Honiton area following the Devon constituency’s decision to install a 'fascist Lib Dem puppet government'. Media outlets loyal to the extremist Westminster regime have screamed for justice for true Conservatives living in the area.
Tory strategist Clementine Carruthers removed her night vision goggles and hissed, 'It's compulsory blue passports and Imperial stormtroopers, I mean Imperial measurements all round. Let's see how many of these ungrateful remoaners still vote Lib Dem after we've Clockwork Oranged them with months of Daily Express headlines. Besides, Ed Davey doesn't suit a tight green t-shirt like Zelensky does.'
With news of another massive Tory defeat, this time in Wakefield to Labour, Carruthers grimaced, ‘Go Wokefield, go brokefield. Am I doing it right?’
Popular Prime Minister, Captain Showbiz himself, Boris Johnson, is up for a well-deserved award at this year's glitzy but utterly meaningless ceremony.
Westminster Side Story is a glorious musical psychodrama about a dysfunctional government that thinks all its problems can be sorted out by drinking itself to death.
'It's possibly his finest role so far, said cinema critic Matt French. 'We've seen Boris as a tram driver, a JCB driver, and a man who will draw bananas with children. He's an incredibly versatile actor, as his performance at PMQ's has proved, and he's barely put a foot wrong since his starring role in 'Lying Actually.'
'I don't think anyone would deny him the accolades his performance so richly deserves. Its a resounding testament to the power of bullshit.'
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